i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize