i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
