Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
