Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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