Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
