There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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