dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
