its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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