My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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