Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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