I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
