yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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