I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize