Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
