just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
