Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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