She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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