sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
