I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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