I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
