I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
