its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
