If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
