my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
