My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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