if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
