Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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