I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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