Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
