So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
