So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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