AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
