When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
