My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dignity is for republicans.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
