Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
