he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize