I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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