Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
