I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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