Screwed.edu
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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