youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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