And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
