he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
