Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
