He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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