They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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