I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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