yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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