Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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