THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
