I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
