Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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