like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize