I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You need a sexual gate keeper
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
