so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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