So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
