weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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