So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
