I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
