I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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