Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Randomize
