At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
