Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
