I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
