Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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