i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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