i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
