From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You are the jesus of drinking
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
