I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
