dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
