I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
