Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
