Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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