Swine flu is the new snow day.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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