Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
