no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
