shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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